I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
