I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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