We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
