Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
