Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
