It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize