Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
