In the future we'll all be gay
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize