So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just pee around me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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