your room smells of hookers.
And success
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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