We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have demons in me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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