dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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