I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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