Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
