Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
