i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you made out with another girl for some wings
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My life is pants optional.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
