if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
please don't ironically join a cult
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