OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
