would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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