Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
