maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
