Whatcha textin bout Willis?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
