You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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