I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
