just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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