There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
