i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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