so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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