he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
