I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
