Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
