ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
