i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize