watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
