The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
