I want to have your abortion
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
