i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
