so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
