Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
