don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
