Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
