That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she smelled like a LAN party
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When are your genitals available?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
