No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My vagina is officially offended.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
