at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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