i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
