I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
