when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
