Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize