i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
