nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
