Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
