I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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