god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
