I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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