That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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