Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
