wanna go halves on a baby?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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