If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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