My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
