the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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