As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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