no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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