he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
