the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
