It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
