im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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