Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
