No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
