"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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