Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
