i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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